[ s o l i l o q u o y s]

[ s o l i l o q u o y s ]

 you bring me to the shore
sighs, moans, proverbial?
familiarity unsettling
yet I allow the sand to warm these toes,
the sun to caress this skin.
is there a need to shield my eyes from the glare of your brilliance?
the pisces of my nature, may cause our demise
or will I let the daisies bloom,
allow the sweetness of loving
invade this wall surrounding.
your kind eyes,
your knowing touch,
changes me
moves me
stirs something within
that has been in a long restless slumber.
into the winter of my soul
your gentle voice penetrates.
hold on to me
let not the merest sigh escape
let us stay alive
in this transcendental experience eternal..
What is it?

How do you know that you are in love with a person?
Is it by the way they enter your mind as soon as you wake up from sleep?
Is it by the way they make you feel that you're all right the way you are?
Is it by how you feel that they've got your back always?
And that in no circumstances will you not be there for them in their time of need?
Or is it by the way you feel that they are one of the best friends you've ever had?
Someone you could talk to about anything and everything without having to worry that they'll judge you?
Is it the way they make you laugh?
Is it that intense physical attraction that consumes you every time they're near?
Is it the way you turn away when they hold your gaze for more than a second for fear that you may break down?
Is it the way they smell so good?
Maybe it's the way you feel comfortable in their presence, yes maybe a little self-conscious, but it still feels like home?
Or maybe it's the way you feel that you will never tire of seeing them, talking to them, waking up next to them, laughing with them, even picking up a fight with them, for the rest of your life?
Maybe it's all of those things..
Maybe it's none of 'em...
But if what I'm feeling for you isn't love, then i never want to be in love.

Vous etes ou le soleil brille..


Ponderings...

do you ever wonder what the point of it all is? i don't doubt that most of you out there do, especially the so-called slackers of my generation :>...wonder if some are still ambiguously 'slacking', or have moved on appropriately to greater heights of living, having found the long-searched reason and meaning for their existence. me, i'm somewhere in the middle. sometimes it feels like there's nothing more that could be asked for than this blessed fortune, other times it feels like, is this it? i know that sounds unthankful, but i am thankful for all there is...
it's just this restlessness that appears uninvited...sometimes i can choose to ignore it, but there are those desperate times when it is all-consuming...
i wish i am relieved of this ambiguity....
i don't want to succumb to this self-doubt or surrender to any form of disillusionment. what do i do? is there such a thing as profound happiness? will i be contented? will i feel complete? will i be appeased with myself?
i am still searching, not for the meaning of life, of my life, but for what i can do to enrich it, to be able to affect the lives of others in the best way possible, to be not someBody, but someOne......insyaAllah
EMPTY

you are my nothingman, my no-where man,
endless lullaby, carresses your lips, lands on my fluttering lids,
be my all-surrounding man, my everywhere,everything man,
honey-filled sonnets, kiss my quivering lips,
let it be forever....
Summer Romance

I dig my toes into the sand...
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket...

I wish Tristan were here with me this very moment. It is too glorious not to share with anyone. The sky is almost azure in its painting-like richness, the sun shining brightly without any signs of a cloud to hinder its magnificence, the gleaming calmness of the turquoise ocean, the cool summer breeze whispering the promise of a beautiful day. We would sit by the lapping waves and make sandcastles with beautiful coral fences, and Tristan would probably catch a baby crab and trap the poor thing in what would more likely turn out to be a prison than a castle made of sand. We would tell each other ghost stories in broad daylight, making them ridiculously up as we go along, and we would laugh so hard until tears stream down our faces. Then when we are tired, we would just sit on the pure white sand and watch the sun go down.

I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless...
And in this moment I am happy...

I open my eyes and inhale the fresh salty air deeply. The sun feels deliciously warm and toasty on my skin. Pure Bliss. But Tristan is not here. No sign of dark eyes or careless hair. Not even the sound of teasing laughter.

"...lighten up, will you!"

I have, Tris, believe you me I have. No more dark brooding thoughts for this girl. I am happy and free. Free because you owned me. It is funny how life contradicts. Funny, but not necessarily bad. You showed me life is too precious to be fretting about anything and everything. That we are alive and happy and healthy and blessed to be some of the chosen ones to be put here on sweet earth by God, that we should be thankful for that fact alone each and every day of our lives. You taught me the meaning of appreciation, of empathy, of serenity. And especially of the underrated and overused word that is Love.
I remember the day we first met. You were on the floor with both your feet practically behind your ears, and I was on the mat next to you, still struggling with my Sun Salutation. The smell of ylang ylang incense wafted around us and the calming voice of the yoga mistress drifted in the background as she told the next group to breathe in deep.
"You're lucky if you can actually get into any position with that ferocious frown on your face,'"you called out cheerfully, toes wriggling weirdly past your shoulders. You had this big smile on your face, the same goofy grin that, from then on, never failed to greet me every time we meet. The very same smile I'd grown so fond of, only that first time, it was so annoying I had this urgent impulse to smack it off your wonderful face.

There's something about the look in your eyes...
Something I notice when the light was just right...
It reminded me twice that I was alive...

How was it Tris that you always managed to get this sulking, angry girl to feel like she owns the world and everything in it? I saw the colours of the rainbow, smelled the sweetness of a rose, felt the softness of a freshly fallen snowflake, all since I met you. You heightened my senses, soothed my wounded heart. You were the chocolate sauce on my favourite sundae. You were my one transcendental experience.

I lay my head onto the sand...
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it...

I's late. I look up to the heavens. A clear starry night like this is not made for crying, so I wiped that treacherous tear away from my cheek.
I remember how we used to spend almost every Sunday on this very same beach. You would lie spread-eagled on the sand so close to the water, you'd close your heavy-lashed brown eyes and sing some blues, preferably something by Bob Dylan or Tom Waits, and you'd sing it loud and clear in your laidback baritone, the sun shining brightly on your face. And I would laugh and shake my head and stare down at you and marvel at how carefree a soul can be. Your zest for life never failed to amaze me. You charmed every person around you in your own sweet unpretentious ways. How you would get a person's full attention with such effortlessness when you engage them in a conversation, and leave everyone satisfied without giving away too much of yourself. But I know all there is to know about you Tristan. And I suspected you knew more about me than you care to admit.

You have only been gone ten days...
And already I'm wasting away...

The cool gentle breeze rustled the palm fronds that sweep the shoreline. I miss Tristan. I miss the laughter we shared, the strength we gave one another, the tears we sometimes caused each other, the comfort we received from each other's presence. I miss the ethereal bond that connected our souls.
You promised to love me for the rest of your life Tris, and that was a promise well kept. Now I only have to love you for the rest of mine.


THE END

**Words in italic by the wonderful Invisible Floating Torso Man.
Crumble

Raindrops beat insistently against the windowpane,
The glass cannot avoid them, there is no escaping,
Only acceptance, only admission,
Sort of how I feel right now,
And you are the drops of rain...

Snowflakes feather dreamily onto the ground,
The soil cannot deny them; they are persistent in their softness,
Urging on, till the last of the dirt is blanketed in white,
Sort of how you affect life,
And I am rendered defenseless...

I am warm; I am pulsing,
Did you not think of that?
I breathe; I bleed,
Did you not consider the consequence?

Let the wind whisper over each mountaintop,
Let the waves caress the shoreline,
Let the sun vanish over the horizon,
I will not forget,
I will learn...